My Story (Part 1)

Hello. So I just woke up about 20 minutes ago. One part of my dream that I remember is being drunk at a party, and being acutely aware that I was dreaming, and I couldn’t remember what had happened before that moment (“because I was drunk”). But the whole dream felt like I was tripping. In the back of my mind thinking that it was because of the medication that I’m on.

So this is what I want to talk about in today’s podcast. The fact that I’m on medication (for schizophrenia) and don’t want to be. The medication is called Abilify Maintena in case anyone is wondering. I’ve been on it for a couple years I think. Because I was on a CTO (Community Treatment Order), I was forced to take these medications.

I want to share my story with someone, in hopes of getting help, but I don’t know who to share it with, and I guess here is as good a place as any other.

Back in 2012, I went to the hospital because I was suicidal. I told them I had a plan. And then they wouldn’t let me leave. When I tried to leave, security was called, and they all surrounded me. That’s when I freaked out even more. I may have been forced to take medication at this time, I can’t remember. After that I was locked up and then confronted by the psychiatrist on staff, and I obviously didn’t want to talk to them. So I basically tried to confuse him, by not giving clear answers to his questions. I was obviously still pissed, not wanting to be there, and not knowing what was going on.

He diagnosed me with Schizoaffective disorder. Which I now know and believe is completely wrong.

So they again forced me on medications, said if I didn’t take them then I couldn’t leave. I believe the word is coerced.

Since then I’ve obviously been off and on medications. I didn’t want to be on them, for one, and now they’ve messed up my system, I believe.

It’s been a long time since the rest of what happened happened, so I can’t remember it, oddly enough. I can’t remember the timeline of events. If I had my medical records, I might be able to remember and tell you, but sadly I do not.

So I guess that’s it for now.

Thank for reading!

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