Hello to my old friends on here. It’s been awhile. I’ve decided to start blogging again. At least today that is… So here’s what I posted on Instagram…
So I spent the whole day out and about until about 6:30pm. I haven’t eaten anything but I don’t have an appetite. I’ll probably eat something after this, as it will probably help me to feel better. I had a nice long talk with someone who helped get some things off my chest. But maybe they feel like they’re still there. All I feel right now is heartache. But I’m going to start writing like this as it may help me feel better to reflect on my day in this way. It’s 7:33pm now… I guess that’s it for now. Thanks for reading.
What are you doing?
Me: Oh, just trying to figure out how to achieve bliss. Not happiness, but bliss. Which came once to me while doing nothing, meditating… 15 years ago. Ever since than I’ve been trying, to some degree, in achieving that in my waking life. The only person I’ve ever heard talk about it is OSHO – which I discovered way back when I first experienced it, but never read his books – I just had his Zen Tarot Cards. Now I’m starting to read his books. So it’s only a matter of time.
P.S. I can’t help but think that I’ve wasted the past 10-15 years not reading these books before. But than again, I didn’t know about them.
I’ve wanted to move for a very long time. So long, in fact, that I stopped wanting and just accepted the fact that I can’t. There was a point where I actually tried. I actively looked into it. The problem is, I’m on Ontario Disability, which means I can’t leave the province for more than 30 days, I believe. So I looked into getting on B.C. Disability, but it takes about 6 months to get on it. And you have to be a resident of the province before you can apply. I can’t live out there for 6 months with no income. I suppose I could secure a job out there before I move, somehow. Or, apply for Income Assistance, if I’m eligible. But at this point in my life, feeling better is my top priority, and I know that moving will not make me feel any better.
I don’t. I use social media every day to try to reach out to people, but no one seems to care. I’ve even gone so far as to download an app specifically for reaching out for help, but all I found were people drowning just like me.
I went to a Paint Nite tonight. It was an experience. I really want to learn how to paint. I never thought I would say that. But as long as it’s something like this, where I’m copying someone else’s painting as an example, than I’m fine. If I have to come up with my own painting, there may be a problem.
Anyways, I diverted from the norm and choose green as my water colour. It was suppose to look more like an exotic beach. Didn’t quite work out. But I enjoyed painting the blue of the sky. That really worked out. And the black part isn’t so bad either.
It was a little difficult to learn how to paint, focus on creating, talk to people, and listen to the instructor all at the same time. But I would 10/10 recommend it! Here is the full painting below.