Rant · Thoughts

Music and Rant

Just a tiny little bored “rant” I guess. I don’t know if this is a rant or not, or me just spewing my guts.

So I use a lot of online services like YouNow and Discord to chat with people, to cure my loneliness. But it doesn’t quite work. I haven’t formed any long lasting or close relationships through it. There was one person I “reached out” to, but she didn’t get back to me. I’m tired of feeling alone. I say “feeling,” and not “being,” because I’m not alone, I just feel alone. It’s like the song “Something’s Missing” by John Mayer, that I’m listening to now. I’ll link it below, if you haven’t heard it before.

This is somewhat nice, writing this blog… it gives me something to do, alone… listening to music, without needing anybody there. But I think most of the time I’m striving for attention. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing or not, but it’s what I need, I think.

John Mayer has some pretty good songs. The next song on the album I’m listening to is “New Deep.” You should check it out! I’ll link it below as well!

I’m on YouNow right now broadcasting what I’m listening to, and people just pop in and leave really quickly. It’s a little disconcerting.

I guess I could check out someone that’s online right now. See what’s up. Post this. And probably come back to it later. I enjoy writing.

Thanks for reading!



Do you suffer from depression?
What do you do when you feel depressed?
I usually sleep.

But for the past couple hours I’ve been fighting it, because right now it’s only 9pm. I like to go to bed around 11pm, so I don’t wake up before sunrise. But I don’t sleep well anyway, so I’ll probably wake up multiple times during the night. But that’s another story. Back to depression…

They say talking about it helps. So I figure this is just as good as talking. I mean, there are some other places online that I could go to to talk to people, maybe even one-on-one, and with replies! (I most likely won’t get any replies to this). The hashtag #suicide is trending in Canada right now, I don’t know why. But I could possibly use that as a means of reaching out. Someone might just give me resources I could use; which I probably already know of; or maybe some I don’t. Where was I going with this…

You see, if I get it in my head to talk to someone, than I might actually talk to someone. But if I push that thought aside, I’m fine. Like right now, I’m occupied. I’m thinking about “other things” besides the way that I feel… not the thought “I’m so lonely” and “there’s no one there.” Right now I’m writing as if I’m talking to someone, so I guess I’m fooling my brain into thinking that there is. I mean, there will most likely be someone there reading this (You) sometimes afterwards, but it’s not really the same.

I guess that’s why people like reading. Or writing…
But I mean, how long can I sit here writing this? I wasn’t even expecting to write this much.

I’ve been talking to a team of psychiatric nurses (I believe that’s what they are) for about a year now, and it hasn’t helped. I mean, they don’t bring up anything or point out anything to me about my thoughts/behaviors like a psychologist might. They are more like professional friends. Which is all good, but I want to improve my life! I want to improve myself! And I would say both of those things haven’t improved by knowing these team of nurses. Plus, they are unavailable after certain hours. Because you know, people don’t get depressed after the workday is done.

I think that’s everything I wanted to say. Now back to my depression…

Oh yea!! The thing about it is, I knew this was going to be a bad day. So I posted on Instagram (this morning) for some help, and NO ONE RESPONDED!! My post got 13 views, and not 1 like or comment (and I have 76 followers).


Doom (Nintendo Switch)

I kind of want to play Doom on Nintendo Switch; but I played it before, a while ago, and thought it was pretty gruesome.
The reason I still want to play it is because I really liked Doom 64 when I was younger. But that had no blood… or gore.
It’s also 14GB to download… that’s just seems like too much.
I don’t know what to do.
No stores sell it around here, that I know of; I checked. And I don’t really want to go out right now anyway.
The game is on sale right now for $40 (CAD) on the Nintendo eShop. But what if I don’t like it again, because of the gore. (I should note that I borrowed it from the library before, but they don’t seem to carry it anymore; maybe it got lost. Or maybe parents complained about it.)

Anyway… that’s what I’m sitting on right now. That’s the reason I had to write a blog.
Thanks for reading!


Nintendo Switch vs N64

Do you have a Nintendo Switch? If you do, please comment on this.

I find that there are not many games that are very good. There are over 2400 games I think… I will not go on to name the games that I think are good on Nintendo Switch, because it’s a bit tedious, and mostly obvious… But I will say that on Nintendo 64 there was GoldenEye 007, Wave Race 64, Pilot Wing 64, Mario 64, Doom 64, and Star Fox 64, just to name a few. These are all very different, and very good games! I do not find that it is the same on Nintendo Switch.

What do you think?


Super Mario 35th Anniversary

Nintendo is reportedly releasing a bunch of old games for Nintendo Switch in HD this year, including Mario 64, Mario Sunshine and Mario Galaxy.

But I don’t want an old game.
I didn’t buy a GameCube. And I never bought a Wii or Wii U.
I bought a Nintendo Switch – for Mario Odyssey.

I want a new game!
It’s been almost 3 years!


Death & Wellness

I don’t think I’ll ever be well.
Is that possible?
I know it’s possible to die of cancer.
But is it possible to die WITH a broken heart?
But of course you never think it’s possible.
You never think “that could happen to me.”

So I’m living each day like I have tomorrow
Which isn’t true.
I could die any day.
And I could die without ever being well again.
That’s kinda sad.
But at least it’ll be over.