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Making Music

I’ve wanted to make music, for sure, since I was about 15 years old, when I saw a Sarah McLachlan video of her in her home studio. You have no idea how much music inspired me when I was kid! I’ve dabbled in piano, and guitar, and mostly the drums, but now… being 38 years old and mostly depressed, I feel like I’ve lost the motivation or inspiration.

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People

Just got back from “volunteering.” I was volunteering with this young kid, probably 18 or so. I’m 38. He was very quite and distant, like he didn’t want to be there, or maybe didn’t want to work with me, I don’t know. It was all going OK until he tried to grab the bagel out of my hand to butter it for me. My perception was “I wasn’t doing it right.” I mean, he didn’t even say anything like, “here let me show you.” Or anything he just tried to grab it. So went to the other part of the restaurant. I basically used the excuse that there were too many people there, so I left. I mean, there was only 4 of us, but there really only needed to be two. So I left. Now I’m here. End of story. Thanks for reading! Comment below!

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Not Sad, for once.

I’m not sad.
I’m not depressed.
I wish I could feel like this all the time!
Except I don’t know what has made the difference – if anything!
I have been taking probiotics regularly. Maybe that’s it.
Nothing has changed in my life.
I still have nothing to do.
I’m still bored outta my mind.
The only difference is I’m not depressed.
But I just know it won’t last.
I just know there will come a time when this unbearable feeling comes over me, and all I want to do is sleep.
Let’s pray that never happens!

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Blog

So I’m not having a bad day for once, emotionally speaking; which is nice! But I am bored outta my mind, for lack of a better phrase.

But I do have a blog here, with about 84 followers; which is nice, if I knew who these followers were… I’m thinking I should follow them back, read their blogs… what do you think?

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Help

I am not doing good right now. I’m almost never doing good anyway. But right now it’s worse. I don’t know what to do. It’s 6:30pm and I want to go back to sleep but sleeping never helps and sometimes it makes it worse.

For anyone wondering, I’m extremely depressed. I’m like screaming on the inside right now. I don’t want to call the Distress Center or anybody else. I don’t have anyone else to call anyway!

I’m hoping I can get some help on here… but I know that won’t work.
There are other services like the Big White Wall, but even that doesn’t help. You basically have to be on the verge of killing yourself before you can get any real help from that website.

NO ONE CARES!!
It’s ridiculous but it’s true!



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Today was good.

This is my most shared post. I didn’t even know it showed stats about most shared until right now. Interesting. To update: I didn’t keep the momentum going.

I’m going to see what I posted back in July 2019, out of curiosity.

LifeDreamTV Blog

It’s really hard for me to remember good memories. It’s been so long since I’ve been actually happy, for the most part, than sad. Now it’s the opposite. But I will try to remember TODAY as good, and keep writing more blogs with a more positive bent.

Today was good. I woke up. lol! It was really sunny today, which is unusual. I cleaned a bit, did some laundry, and listened to some music! I also went to the gym with some friends. It was good. Today isn’t exactly over, but it feels like it with the sun going down so early. So I think that’s it, for now. Tune in tomorrow where I try to keep the momentum going!

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Sleep Problems

I know no one can really help with this, I think, but…
I don’t sleep well.
I went to sleep around 10:30pm and just up woke now (it’s about 3:30am)
5 hours is actually pretty good for me. Usually I sleep 3-4 hours, like clockwork.
I feel groggy. And can’t fall back to sleep…
So I’m posting this. So ya, if you have anything to add, feel free! Thanks!
I’ve tried melatonin. Did nothing.