Thoughts

Alone Time

Why can I never be alone… even for a moment.
I’m constantly seeking the next conversation… the next connection.
Even now, I’m here, writing this, but I know I will get responses (hopefully).
I mean I could possibly save it as a draft… or make a private blog. Or write in a text document on my computer. But will that help me? No.
I’m seeking help. I’m seeking healing. I’m seeking something to make me feel better. But I don’t always find it. In fact, I don’t think I’ve found it yet.
No matter what anyone says to me, about self-love, I just won’t let it sink in. What is self-love? I’m not looking for an answer, I’m just asking. To make what I’m writing sound good to me.
I enjoy writing… that’s something I could do, if I knew how to do it creatively. Or maybe I could write a non-fiction novel. I don’t know. I know I do need things to do in my spare time, alone, by myself, where I’m not seeking someone else.
I used to write here… maybe I’ll continue to do that in the new year. But I kind of get disappointed by the fact that no one replies. That’s another thing.
But I also don’t always have this much to write. This was I guess inspired by a long conversation I just had with someone today.
But anyway… I guess I should go eat. That’s something.

Have a good night! And thanks for reading!

Thoughts

Little Bones

Ok, so I’ve contacted my friend that I hadn’t talk to in awhile. We talked. It was nice. We’re friends again 🙂 … We’ll see how it goes, I guess.

I also left a message for another friend. He hasn’t gotten back to me yet.
I’m just tired of being alone. I’m always the one to reach out; but almost no one ever reaches out back. The one friend that I’ve had for the past 7 years is the only one that has.

On a different note, it’s 2:32pm. It’s Springtime! The weather is beautiful! I hear music in cars driving by; “Happy hour, happy hour, happy hour is here.” – Little Bones by The Tragically Hip. I took a shower. Everything is good… for now. Although I’m still alone.

Thanks to the new followers!

Thoughts

Alone

I spend every day alone. Nobody messages me. For the past 7 years I’ve had only ONE close friend. That may have been my first mistake, because not so recently I decided that this person wasn’t a good person to have in my life. Now I’m alone. She still tries to re-connect with me and I still shut her out. I don’t know if this is a good idea or not, because the alternative is to be alone. But when I think back to when she was in my life, it wasn’t good. The question is, was it better than now? Probably. But I don’t know for sure. I guess I should just open my heart again, if that’s the only option I have.

There are a couple other relationships I’ve shut out as well, but I won’t get into them right now.

Thanks for reading!