Ok, what can I write that’s not depressing? I don’t know. lol!
It’s 1am right now. I don’t feel like sleeping. I’m up listening to music…
If you have any music recommendations, I am somewhat willing to listen to them.
I’m on YouNow right now (http://www.younow.com/lifedreamradio) broadcasting what I’m listening to again.
I’m actually trying to find some sad songs, because that’s how I feel, and I need music to match how I feel. A song recommendation, “Epiphany” by Staind; which I will post below.
This song is good for right now. It’s sullen (?) and relaxing. Now I just need to write or do something creative…
I’m literally dying for social connection.
Just a tiny little bored “rant” I guess. I don’t know if this is a rant or not, or me just spewing my guts.
So I use a lot of online services like YouNow and Discord to chat with people, to cure my loneliness. But it doesn’t quite work. I haven’t formed any long lasting or close relationships through it. There was one person I “reached out” to, but she didn’t get back to me. I’m tired of feeling alone. I say “feeling,” and not “being,” because I’m not alone, I just feel alone. It’s like the song “Something’s Missing” by John Mayer, that I’m listening to now. I’ll link it below, if you haven’t heard it before.
This is somewhat nice, writing this blog… it gives me something to do, alone… listening to music, without needing anybody there. But I think most of the time I’m striving for attention. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing or not, but it’s what I need, I think.
John Mayer has some pretty good songs. The next song on the album I’m listening to is “New Deep.” You should check it out! I’ll link it below as well!
I’m on YouNow right now broadcasting what I’m listening to, and people just pop in and leave really quickly. It’s a little disconcerting.
I guess I could check out someone that’s online right now. See what’s up. Post this. And probably come back to it later. I enjoy writing.
Thanks for reading!
Do you suffer from depression?
What do you do when you feel depressed?
I usually sleep.
But for the past couple hours I’ve been fighting it, because right now it’s only 9pm. I like to go to bed around 11pm, so I don’t wake up before sunrise. But I don’t sleep well anyway, so I’ll probably wake up multiple times during the night. But that’s another story. Back to depression…
They say talking about it helps. So I figure this is just as good as talking. I mean, there are some other places online that I could go to to talk to people, maybe even one-on-one, and with replies! (I most likely won’t get any replies to this). The hashtag #suicide is trending in Canada right now, I don’t know why. But I could possibly use that as a means of reaching out. Someone might just give me resources I could use; which I probably already know of; or maybe some I don’t. Where was I going with this…
You see, if I get it in my head to talk to someone, than I might actually talk to someone. But if I push that thought aside, I’m fine. Like right now, I’m occupied. I’m thinking about “other things” besides the way that I feel… not the thought “I’m so lonely” and “there’s no one there.” Right now I’m writing as if I’m talking to someone, so I guess I’m fooling my brain into thinking that there is. I mean, there will most likely be someone there reading this (You) sometimes afterwards, but it’s not really the same.
I guess that’s why people like reading. Or writing…
But I mean, how long can I sit here writing this? I wasn’t even expecting to write this much.
I’ve been talking to a team of psychiatric nurses (I believe that’s what they are) for about a year now, and it hasn’t helped. I mean, they don’t bring up anything or point out anything to me about my thoughts/behaviors like a psychologist might. They are more like professional friends. Which is all good, but I want to improve my life! I want to improve myself! And I would say both of those things haven’t improved by knowing these team of nurses. Plus, they are unavailable after certain hours. Because you know, people don’t get depressed after the workday is done.
I think that’s everything I wanted to say. Now back to my depression…
Oh yea!! The thing about it is, I knew this was going to be a bad day. So I posted on Instagram (this morning) for some help, and NO ONE RESPONDED!! My post got 13 views, and not 1 like or comment (and I have 76 followers).
I don’t know why I feel lonely sometimes with so many people on the internet.
Hello to my old friends on here. It’s been awhile. I’ve decided to start blogging again. At least today that is… So here’s what I posted on Instagram…
So I spent the whole day out and about until about 6:30pm. I haven’t eaten anything but I don’t have an appetite. I’ll probably eat something after this, as it will probably help me to feel better. I had a nice long talk with someone who helped get some things off my chest. But maybe they feel like they’re still there. All I feel right now is heartache. But I’m going to start writing like this as it may help me feel better to reflect on my day in this way. It’s 7:33pm now… I guess that’s it for now. Thanks for reading.
I’m not feeling too bad this morning. But I know things will probably change by evening, because you know, my life is empty and I’m alone.
That turned dark quickly.
I wanted to share something to see if there is anybody else that does this.
I pretty much live most days trying to get through the day – like trying to get to the end of the day. And I’m tired of it. It’s night time now and I’m just going to go to sleep and do it all over again tomorrow; wanting the day to be over as soon as it starts. It’s almost as bad as waiting in a hospital emergency room.
Anyways… That is all. Thanks for reading!
Not literally. But figuratively. It’s really hard to get through the days. Some days it’s easier than others. But today is one of those hard days. Even though it seems to be going by fast. At 5pm I’m thinking of going out for Pizza, if I feel up for it.