Thoughts

Random Update

Got through another day…
I also starting taking a mood supplement called 5-HTP yesterday. I hope it helps. I’m taking a probiotic, which is helping.
I’m also working on developing and app. So if you know anything about Android development, let me know. Because I have questions.
Thanks for reading!

Thoughts

Untitled

Ok, so since I get at least 1 vistor per post, I thought I would try post every day… and make this sort of my “Internet Hub.” Except I’m not too sure what to write about.

I just woke up from a “depression nap.” I call it that, because I sleep when I’m depressed. But sometimes I don’t sleep well, and it makes me more depressed. That was the case this time.

It’s now 9:15pm. And honestly, I’ll probably go back to sleep again soon. Even though I don’t sleep well. Because I’m not sure what I’m going to do for the rest of the night…

Yea, so that’s it. That’s the post.
Thanks for reading!

Thoughts

Something Positive

I’m alone right now. But not really lonely. Which is a first in a long time.
Of course it would be nice to have somebody to talk to, but the feeling of depression inside has gone for the time being.
I guess because I had an OT nurse visit today and we went for a walk. Then I spoke with someone at a cafe for a while.
So I guess I got my social quota in for the day… or at least for the morning.
There’s always the dreaded evening. Something to look forward too! Ha.

Thanks for reading!

Rant · Thoughts

Music and Rant

Just a tiny little bored “rant” I guess. I don’t know if this is a rant or not, or me just spewing my guts.

So I use a lot of online services like YouNow and Discord to chat with people, to cure my loneliness. But it doesn’t quite work. I haven’t formed any long lasting or close relationships through it. There was one person I “reached out” to, but she didn’t get back to me. I’m tired of feeling alone. I say “feeling,” and not “being,” because I’m not alone, I just feel alone. It’s like the song “Something’s Missing” by John Mayer, that I’m listening to now. I’ll link it below, if you haven’t heard it before.

This is somewhat nice, writing this blog… it gives me something to do, alone… listening to music, without needing anybody there. But I think most of the time I’m striving for attention. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing or not, but it’s what I need, I think.

John Mayer has some pretty good songs. The next song on the album I’m listening to is “New Deep.” You should check it out! I’ll link it below as well!

I’m on YouNow right now broadcasting what I’m listening to, and people just pop in and leave really quickly. It’s a little disconcerting.

I guess I could check out someone that’s online right now. See what’s up. Post this. And probably come back to it later. I enjoy writing.

Thanks for reading!

Thoughts

Depression

Do you suffer from depression?
What do you do when you feel depressed?
I usually sleep.

But for the past couple hours I’ve been fighting it, because right now it’s only 9pm. I like to go to bed around 11pm, so I don’t wake up before sunrise. But I don’t sleep well anyway, so I’ll probably wake up multiple times during the night. But that’s another story. Back to depression…

They say talking about it helps. So I figure this is just as good as talking. I mean, there are some other places online that I could go to to talk to people, maybe even one-on-one, and with replies! (I most likely won’t get any replies to this). The hashtag #suicide is trending in Canada right now, I don’t know why. But I could possibly use that as a means of reaching out. Someone might just give me resources I could use; which I probably already know of; or maybe some I don’t. Where was I going with this…

You see, if I get it in my head to talk to someone, than I might actually talk to someone. But if I push that thought aside, I’m fine. Like right now, I’m occupied. I’m thinking about “other things” besides the way that I feel… not the thought “I’m so lonely” and “there’s no one there.” Right now I’m writing as if I’m talking to someone, so I guess I’m fooling my brain into thinking that there is. I mean, there will most likely be someone there reading this (You) sometimes afterwards, but it’s not really the same.

I guess that’s why people like reading. Or writing…
But I mean, how long can I sit here writing this? I wasn’t even expecting to write this much.

I’ve been talking to a team of psychiatric nurses (I believe that’s what they are) for about a year now, and it hasn’t helped. I mean, they don’t bring up anything or point out anything to me about my thoughts/behaviors like a psychologist might. They are more like professional friends. Which is all good, but I want to improve my life! I want to improve myself! And I would say both of those things haven’t improved by knowing these team of nurses. Plus, they are unavailable after certain hours. Because you know, people don’t get depressed after the workday is done.

I think that’s everything I wanted to say. Now back to my depression…

Oh yea!! The thing about it is, I knew this was going to be a bad day. So I posted on Instagram (this morning) for some help, and NO ONE RESPONDED!! My post got 13 views, and not 1 like or comment (and I have 76 followers).

Journal

30-Day Challenge & 2020

For the next 28 days, and the past 2 days, I’ve been doing a “30-Day Challenge” to change my life. It’s supported by the teachings of Abraham, which you can find videos of on YouTube (searching Abraham Hicks). It’s going well. Like I said early, today was a good day. And I want to ride this wave higher and higher.

So yea, after the New Years, I have a 365 Day Calendar/Workbook that I bought (by Abraham Hicks) that will further send me on this wave of feeling good.

I have about 20 minutes to waste, so I thought I would share. If you have any questions, feel free to comment below!

Thanks for reading! Have a good night!

Thoughts

Trying to Keep my Head Up

There are things that I used to feel good about.
Right now, those things are far and few.
I’m trying my best to feel good, but… it’s hard.

Any suggestions?

This is all I’ve got:

It’s 8:20pm and I’m not sleeping.
I feel pretty good
The Universe is trying to show me the path of least resistance.
Coldplay just released a new album on Nov. 22!!