I’m alone right now. But not really lonely. Which is a first in a long time. Of course it would be nice to have somebody to talk to, but the feeling of depression inside has gone for the time being. I guess because I had an OT nurse visit today and we went for a walk. Then I spoke with someone at a cafe for a while. So I guess I got my social quota in for the day… or at least for the morning. There’s always the dreaded evening. Something to look forward too! Ha.
I guess I will be honest…
The rest of my morning hasn’t been going so well.
I’m alone almost all of the time. (A little background, I don’t have a job. I’ve tried looking.)
A video I watched about loneliness said to “reach out to people” but I have no one to reach out to…
… and no one can change the way I feel but me. Unless they’re a miracle worker.
I’m looking through my old journals, and I found this one, from about a year ago.
“The biggest truth that I can think of right now is “You’re not alone.” That means that there are people out there that are going through the same thing that you’re going through. It’s not that you’re not actually alone. Even though you may very well be – but you can reach out if you want to. I don’t personally want to reach out. Even though it pains me inside. I prefer to hide. But the biggest comfort is knowing that I’m not alone. If I could repeat that to myself – what would that mean? Would it mean that I have the strength to go outside? Would it mean that I would feel OK taking a shower? Would it mean that I would feel happy again? I don’t know. But this I know: I’m not alone.”
Ok, so I’ve contacted my friend that I hadn’t talk to in awhile. We talked. It was nice. We’re friends again 🙂 … We’ll see how it goes, I guess.
I also left a message for another friend. He hasn’t gotten back to me yet.
I’m just tired of being alone. I’m always the one to reach out; but almost no one ever reaches out back. The one friend that I’ve had for the past 7 years is the only one that has.
On a different note, it’s 2:32pm. It’s Springtime! The weather is beautiful! I hear music in cars driving by; “Happy hour, happy hour, happy hour is here.” – Little Bones by The Tragically Hip. I took a shower. Everything is good… for now. Although I’m still alone.