Agoraphobia

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Thank you to all who follow my blog. I wish there was an easier way to connect with you on here, like a chat window, but there isn’t.

So I believe I have agoraphobia. I almost never leave the house. This started way back when I first came off Abilify and it hasn’t changed since. Because of this I am seeking out ways to stay busy and social while living in the confides of my own home; like writing a blog.

My agoraphobia isn’t that bad. If I have a reason to leave the house, I can. The problem is I usually don’t have a reason. I don’t have a job and I don’t really have any friends. I really need to find a job, I guess. Or some friends.

I don’t really have much to write about, I’m just reaching out on here for support I guess.

Still Depressed

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Hello to my old friends on here. It’s been awhile. I’ve decided to start blogging again. At least today that is… So here’s what I posted on Instagram…

So I spent the whole day out and about until about 6:30pm. I haven’t eaten anything but I don’t have an appetite. I’ll probably eat something after this, as it will probably help me to feel better. I had a nice long talk with someone who helped get some things off my chest. But maybe they feel like they’re still there. All I feel right now is heartache. But I’m going to start writing like this as it may help me feel better to reflect on my day in this way. It’s 7:33pm now… I guess that’s it for now. Thanks for reading.

#blog

Bliss

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What are you doing?

Me: Oh, just trying to figure out how to achieve bliss. Not happiness, but bliss. Which came once to me while doing nothing, meditating… 15 years ago. Ever since than I’ve been trying, to some degree, in achieving that in my waking life. The only person I’ve ever heard talk about it is OSHO – which I discovered way back when I first experienced it, but never read his books – I just had his Zen Tarot Cards. Now I’m starting to read his books. So it’s only a matter of time.

P.S. I can’t help but think that I’ve wasted the past 10-15 years not reading these books before. But than again, I didn’t know about them.

Moving

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I’ve wanted to move for a very long time. So long, in fact, that I stopped wanting and just accepted the fact that I can’t. There was a point where I actually tried. I actively looked into it. The problem is, I’m on Ontario Disability, which means I can’t leave the province for more than 30 days, I believe. So I looked into getting on B.C. Disability, but it takes about 6 months to get on it. And you have to be a resident of the province before you can apply. I can’t live out there for 6 months with no income. I suppose I could secure a job out there before I move, somehow. Or, apply for Income Assistance, if I’m eligible. But at this point in my life, feeling better is my top priority, and I know that moving will not make me feel any better.

Support Network

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Do you have a support network?

I don’t. I use social media every day to try to reach out to people, but no one seems to care. I’ve even gone so far as to download an app specifically for reaching out for help, but all I found were people drowning just like me.