Thoughts

Alone Time

Why can I never be alone… even for a moment.
I’m constantly seeking the next conversation… the next connection.
Even now, I’m here, writing this, but I know I will get responses (hopefully).
I mean I could possibly save it as a draft… or make a private blog. Or write in a text document on my computer. But will that help me? No.
I’m seeking help. I’m seeking healing. I’m seeking something to make me feel better. But I don’t always find it. In fact, I don’t think I’ve found it yet.
No matter what anyone says to me, about self-love, I just won’t let it sink in. What is self-love? I’m not looking for an answer, I’m just asking. To make what I’m writing sound good to me.
I enjoy writing… that’s something I could do, if I knew how to do it creatively. Or maybe I could write a non-fiction novel. I don’t know. I know I do need things to do in my spare time, alone, by myself, where I’m not seeking someone else.
I used to write here… maybe I’ll continue to do that in the new year. But I kind of get disappointed by the fact that no one replies. That’s another thing.
But I also don’t always have this much to write. This was I guess inspired by a long conversation I just had with someone today.
But anyway… I guess I should go eat. That’s something.

Have a good night! And thanks for reading!

Thoughts

Happiest Time of my Life

The happiest period of my life was back in 2004, when I lived in B.C. I moved out there with my sister and her family, but soon moved out on my own. I had my own apartment, which was cheaper and bigger than my current one. I worked at McDonald’s, flipping burgers, but it was good! I also went to this weekly Spiritual group, where we all talked, and gave each other hugs! It was much different than it is now. Now, I don’t have a job. I don’t like where I live, and I don’t have any friends. To be fair, the people in the group were not really close friends, we didn’t hangout after group, but it feels like something is still different. Maybe it’s because I’m not getting my daily dose of hugs. Or maybe different times in our lives are just different. As it is now, it’s not very good. I spend most of my time alone, on social media. Which is fine, I guess, but I’m not living, ya know? I’m not moving around, I’m stagnant. Nothing much happens…

Anyway, I tried to start this blog post with the idea of writing the happiest time in my life, and ended up writing about the worst. I guess because it’s been many years since I was happy.

Thanks for reading, anyway!
Cheers!

Uncategorized

Making Music

I’ve wanted to make music, for sure, since I was about 15 years old, when I saw a Sarah McLachlan video of her in her home studio. You have no idea how much music inspired me when I was kid! I’ve dabbled in piano, and guitar, and mostly the drums, but now… being 38 years old and mostly depressed, I feel like I’ve lost the motivation or inspiration.

Thoughts

Random Update

Got through another day…
I also starting taking a mood supplement called 5-HTP yesterday. I hope it helps. I’m taking a probiotic, which is helping.
I’m also working on developing and app. So if you know anything about Android development, let me know. Because I have questions.
Thanks for reading!

Uncategorized

People

Just got back from “volunteering.” I was volunteering with this young kid, probably 18 or so. I’m 38. He was very quite and distant, like he didn’t want to be there, or maybe didn’t want to work with me, I don’t know. It was all going OK until he tried to grab the bagel out of my hand to butter it for me. My perception was “I wasn’t doing it right.” I mean, he didn’t even say anything like, “here let me show you.” Or anything he just tried to grab it. So went to the other part of the restaurant. I basically used the excuse that there were too many people there, so I left. I mean, there was only 4 of us, but there really only needed to be two. So I left. Now I’m here. End of story. Thanks for reading! Comment below!

Thoughts

Earth

Does anybody ever think about the fact that we’re basically floating on a rock through space?

Or at least that’s what it would appear to look like from the outside, in…
But I have a suspicion that it’s all an illusion. For example, when you’re in a dream, everything is created by your mind… so outer-space is the mind’s way of explaining where we are… because I believe that life is like a dream. But really, we’re “no where” and everything is created by our minds. Which I think is the truth, according to quantum physics.

On the subject… Earth is going through some major changes, man. I feel like we’re all basically waiting for the world to change. Or is it me? Or am I talking about a John Mayer song?